Goku Faces Payne
by Soultra
Summary: This is a silly story about Goku having to go to the dentist. A lot different than most of my other stories.


Goku Faces Payne "Look what I have," Mrs. Briefs sang out, as she walked into the room, "All kinds of cakes and sweets." She set the tray of goodies on the table in the living room. "Don't they just look delicious."   
  
 "Wow! Food!" Goku exclaimed. He immediately began stuffing his face with the sugary treats. "Rese ar goo!" Goku said, his mouth full.  
  
Vegeta watched with disgust. Truthfully, he wanted a bite of cake too, but there was no way he was going to stick his hands in between Goku and food. He liked all his fingers to remain attached to his hands.  
  
"I'm glad you like the cakes," Mrs. Briefs said.  
  
"I, OW!" Goku suddenly yelled out in pain, dropping the bite of cake in his hand.  
  
"Goku, what's wrong?" Bulma asked.  
  
"I don't know," Goku responded, "I just bit down and there was this awful pain in my tooth."  
  
"Is that all?" questioned Mrs. Briefs, "It's probably just a cavity."   
  
"Cavity?" Goku echoed, visibly paling.   
  
"Such a shame," Vegeta said, with mock sympathy. He picked up one of the two remaining cakes and began to eat.  
  
Bulma shot Vegeta a dirty look, which he ignored entirely, before she turned back to Goku. "A cavity is no big deal, really. I've had one before. Actually, more than one. You just go to the dentist and get it fixed. In fact, I know a great dentist. He's the one I always go to. I'll go call right now and see if we can't get you an appointment to see him." Bulma left the room to make the call and her mother followed, leaving Goku and Vegeta alone.  
  
"I don't want to go to the dentist," Goku whined.  
  
"I don't blame you," Vegeta said, "I don't know anyone who wants to go."  
  
"Really?" Goku asked.  
  
"Really. I mean who would want to go. Not with all those drills and sharp instruments the dentist uses."  
  
"Drills? Sharp instruments?" Goku grew even paler and his eyes had gotten quite large (uh, larger than usual that is).  
  
"And that's not even thinking about the needles," Vegeta added.  
  
"Needles!" Goku exclaimed jumping to his feet.  
  
"I remember this one time," Vegeta began, "that I had to go to a dentist. He was supposed to give me a shot in the gums with this big, long needle. He missed my gums and split my tongue wide open with the needle. My entire tongue swelled up and turned yellow."  
  
The story had its desired effect. Goku looked about ready to pass out with fear. "Uh," he said, "maybe it's not a cavity. Maybe I don't even need to go to the dentist."  
  
"Maybe," Vegeta agreed, smirking.  
  
"There has to be another way around this problem," Goku continued, "There has to be." He exhaled deeply and noticed the last piece of cake sitting on the tray. "I'll find another way," he said, as he picked up the last piece of cake and crammed into his mouth. The moment he bit down, the pain returned and he cried out once more.  
  
"Of course there are other ways," Vegeta responded, "For one, you could always give up solid foods."   
  
******************************  
  
Goku flew home slowly, his mind on his problems. Bulma had managed to get him an appointment to see her dentist the next day. Then, she happened to mention her dentist's name: Dr. Payne. Of course, the dentist couldn't help what his name was, but it was such an unfortunate name for anyone who had to work with (gulp) needles. Goku sighed aloud.  
  
Yet, there was one solution. Goku could accidentally forget about his dentist appointment until was too late. Everyone knew his memory wasn't that great and if he just happened to forget to mention it to Chichi she wouldn't be able to remind him. He didn't like being dishonest, but he just didn't want to have to go to the dentist.  
  
As soon as he arrived at his own house, he truthfully did forget all about his dental problems because the smell of Chichi's dinner was delicious. She had her faults, but no one denied that she was a great cook. Goku walked inside.  
  
"Hi, honey!" he said.  
  
"Oh, so the prodigal Son has returned," Chichi said (bad joke, I know. Forgive me.), "How is it that you can stay away all day, but the very second I put food on the table, you show up?"  
  
"I guess I just can't resist your cooking," Goku replied, smiling.  
  
Chichi didn't respond verbally, but she couldn't help but return the smile. She placed a bowl of food on the table, near Gohan who was already eating. Goku sat down to eat as Chichi stepped back into the kitchen. However, the moment he bit down, the pain returned, and this time it was even worse. Again he yelled out in pain.  
  
"Are you okay, Dad?" Gohan asked.  
  
"You're father's fine," Chichi said, walking back into the room, "He just has a cavity. But he's going to the dentist tomorrow."  
  
Goku looked at her in shock. How did Chichi know? Since when had she become psychic?  
  
"Bulma called me," Chichi said, noticing Goku's expression, "She knew how you are bad to forget things and she wanted me to remind you."  
  
"Oh," Goku said, "That was, uh, nice of her."  
  
"Until then," Chichi began, "I guess you can't eat this stuff. I'll just go in the kitchen and make you a nice broth instead." She picked up his bowl and started for the kitchen.  
  
"No!" Goku yelled and he lunged after her, but Chichi was already out of his reach. Defeated he slumped down in his seat and laid his head on the table sideways. That's when he noticed that Gohan still had lots of food in his bowl. Drooling, he slowly inched himself closer to Gohan's bowl. All he needed was just one more bite. Carefully, he started to reach into the bowl, and Gohan was just staring at him with a confused expression.  
  
"And don't even think about eating Gohan's food!" Chichi yelled from the kitchen.  
  
Goku sighed as he moved away from Gohan's bowl. "Did you hear the phone ring?" Goku asked his son, "Do you know if Bulma actually called?"  
  
"Sure Dad," Gohan replied, "She just called a few minutes ago. Why do you ask?"  
  
"No reason," Goku replied, "I was beginning to think that perhaps Chichi really is psychic."   
  
******************************  
  
Chichi opened the door and started inside. "Aren't you coming?" she called back to Goku.  
  
Goku looked at her with bleary eyes. He hadn't slept well the night before. Most of the night he spent staring at the ceiling as images of needles and drills filled his thoughts. The one time he had actually fallen asleep, he had a terrible nightmare. He had gone to Payne, who turned out to be a hideous monster that had a needle bigger than Goku. He had awoken sweaty and frightened, knowing there would be no more sleep for him that night. "Yeah, I'm right behind you," Goku said sleepily, as he followed Chichi through the open door.   
  
The office was pleasant looking enough with a giant potted fern in one corner and a table with a stack of old magazines in the other. There was a large toy box near the table which two small boys were rummaging through, carelessly tossing aside unwanted toys. Surprisingly, Bulma and Vegeta were also there, sitting across from the toy box.  
  
"Hey Goku! Hi Chichi!" Bulma called.  
  
"Hi," Goku mumbled.  
  
"What are you two doing here?" Chichi asked.  
  
"I figured that Goku might need some moral support," Bulma responded, "You'd better go ahead and sign in there at the window."  
  
"Okay," Chichi said, walking over to the window.  
  
Goku made his way toward Bulma and Vegeta and sat down beside of Bulma. He tried to smile, but his lips seem to be unwilling to move upwards. Bulma noticed and smiled for him.  
  
"It's really no big deal," she said, reassuringly, "In fact, let me go talk to the doctor right now. He'll want to know that this is your first time here." She got up and walked towards where Chichi was standing. Goku watched her go, wishing he could be as calm about the whole ordeal as she was. He turned back and glanced towards Vegeta, as if hoping that he would give a reassuring word as well, but he had no such luck. As soon as he made eye contact, Vegeta used his finger and made a motion like someone slicing his tongue. Goku quickly looked away, but he felt all his fears returning. He glanced briefly towards the door and thought about trying to make a run for it, but knew it was no use. Even if he did make it, he would have to go home eventually and the moment he did Chichi would try to drag right back down here. He sighed aloud as he decided to try and get this over with.  
  
Goku had only been there half an hour when his name was called, but he felt like he had just aged 20 years while waiting. Nervously, he followed the nurse back to a small room and sat in a black padded chair that titled back. Chichi had came with him, but Bulma and Vegeta were forced to wait in the lobby. He had just taken another deep breath when the dentist walked into the room.  
  
Unlike the dentist in his nightmare, Dr. Payne didn't look like a monster. He actually looked rather average; medium height, medium build, medium most everything. His auburn hair, which was just starting to get a few strands of gray, was cut short and his eyes were hazel in color. Nothing was out of the ordinary. "Hello, Goku," he said, cheerfully, "How are you doing today?"  
  
"My tooth hurts," Goku responded.  
  
"Well, we'll see what we can do," Payne said, "Why don't you just lean back there and open your mouth for me."  
  
Goku leaned back, but he still looked at the dentist fearfully. "You're not going to use a needle, are you?" he asked.  
  
Payne laughed softly. "Right now, all I want to do is look around. Bulma and your wife have already informed me that you don't particularly like shots, so we'll see what we can do. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," Goku replied, still unsure. He opened his mouth.  
  
Payne began skillfully looking at Goku's teeth. "Is this your first time at the dentist?" Payne asked.  
  
"I fank I win ones win I wa yun," Goku answered. He couldn't help but wonder why this guy was asking him questions when he had his hands in his mouth.  
  
"I see the culprit," Payne said, "Just as we suspected, a cavity. Now Goku, I'm going to go ahead and take care of this, but I want you to come back next week so I can clean your teeth. You have some buildup around your gums that we need to take care of." He stepped back.  
  
"What are you going to do?" Goku asked.  
  
"Well, I need to numb your gums. I know how much you hate needles, so I'm going to let you sleep though all this. I want you to breathe this gas slowly." He put the gas mask on Goku. "Okay?"  
  
Goku nodded and began to breathe the gas. Soon, he fell deeply asleep and the doctor was ready to work. He took the mask off and prepared his equipment. When every thing was done, he turned his drill on.  
  
Even though he was completely under, Goku heard the sound of the drill. His subconscious was still concerned with needles, so he jumped up and ran out of the room. However, he didn't run through the door, he ran through the wall - the brick wall - and he crashed into the lobby.  
  
"Somebody grab him!" Payne yelled. He turned to his nurse, "Bring me my gun!"  
  
"You're not going to shoot him, are you?" Chichi demanded.  
  
"Of course not," Payne replied, "It's an elephant gun. It has tranquilizer darts in it."  
  
"I have him," Vegeta yelled. Indeed, he was restraining the still fighting, the still sedated Goku.  
  
"Here's you gun," the nurse said, giving it to Payne.   
  
"Thanks," he said, "And everyone thought I was crazy for buying this thing." He looked at Vegeta. "Hold him still!"  
  
"Easy for you to say," Vegeta mumbled.  
  
The doctor shot the gun. The moment he shot, Goku managed to pull away and the tranquilizer dart hit Vegeta in the forearm. Vegeta yelled out in anger, as he jerked the dart out of his arm. Goku, meanwhile, quietly slumped to the floor.  
  
"How dare you!" Vegeta roared at Payne, "Who am know don't I you?" He rubbed his eyes, "That, no sense. Forget. Night-night." Vegeta also slumped to the floor, deeply asleep.  
  
Payne seemed relieved. "I think he's okay now. Let's just get Goku back in the chair and get his cavity taken care of." He looked at Vegeta. "Bring him in too. Some guy sleeping on the lobby floor might scare away patients."   
  
******************************  
  
Goku slowly opened his eyes and saw Chichi standing there. He still felt sleepy, and his mouth felt a bit numb, but he was fine other than that. "Is it over?" he asked.  
  
"Sure is," she responded, "That nasty old cavity is gone forever. Ready to go home?"  
  
"Yeah," Goku responded. He sat up and noticed Vegeta sleeping on the floor nearby. "What happened to Vegeta? Did he have to get a cavity fixed too?"  
  
"Not exactly," Chichi responded.  
  
The End  
  
There are a few notes I feel I just have to make here. First off, I really do know of a dentist named Dr. Payne (although it's spelled Paine). I've never been to see him (or her?) I've just seen the office. Secondly, the horror story that Vegeta tells about the dentist who sliced his tongue is actually a true story. My father went to a dentist (not Paine) who actually did slice his tongue and his tongue really did swell up and turn yellow. To make matters worse, the dentist was supposed to pull one tooth but actually pried so hard that he splintered the tooth next to it. 


End file.
